Day 63 on 8 Aug: Living without My Darling Husband

Darling

Today is first day of Hari Raya but I've decided not to celebrate the Hari Raya as it is just too much for me to handle the festivities! 

I went to your grave with Cindy, Simon and Diana early this morning.  As we were very early the place was not crowded.  We also went to Irfan's, my mum and my dad's place.  The plan was only to visit your place so I only bought flowers and rose water for you! 

                        

Then I brought Mikaail to our favourite joint and we went via MRT.   Made a slight detour and headed to Changi City Point first for lunch first.  And guess who we met at Changi City Point?   Met my brother, Kamis!  He's also not into the Hari Raya celebration!  The best part at 67 years old he still looks good!  Told me that he is ow medicine free and he goes for walks and runs.  He's pretty much given up with the medical professionals!  He almost lost his life in their hands!  He was also shocked that you lost your life after a relatively low risk procedure.  His mantra now is to have peace in your heart.  You cant change the world and live and let live.

                        

While talking with him, tears just welled up in my eyes!  I told him that all your things are still as it is.  He told me to leave it.  It's not necessary to do anything to them.  I also told him about the counsellor who was assigned to me.  I was hoping this counsellor could help but seems like it wasn't the case.   He said I shouldnt have to depend on others.  I should try and work around what I think is best for myself now and not to be bothered about what others think.

You are just too young to be called back I supposed and after all these years that you have been providing me with all the comfort, the house is just too quiet.  It's now just a roof over my head.  If not for Mikaail, I really have nothing else in this world!  I am really alone now!

Also, I am not sure how you are there.  I am really concerned.  I mentioned this to him and he said as God is compassionate and forgiving, it's not like you will be punished so I shouldnt have to worry about you.

Love you always!