Letter to Heaven - Day 31 on 7 July 2013

Today is Day 31 since you left me.  I am really devastated that after 20 years together, you left me in a blink of an eye and it's all because of an angiogram procedure gone terribly wrong!  I realised that I cry lesser now though there are days when I cry each time I talk about you.  I know that you will remain in my heart and memory forever.  I still miss you though.  I am craving for your touch, darling and I needed to know that you are fine and happy and you still love us.

With you no longer around, weekends are no longer what they used to be.  There is this emptiness in our hearts and the home is also unusually quiet!  Nothing for us to look forward to on weekends.  Previously I can plan stuff to do, places to eat or go on weekends, but now there really is none.

There are just so many things to get used to and it is very difficult for me to pick up the pieces.  I always ask myself why must you go so soon?  I am not sure if I want to even clear out your stuff yet though I had to clear the stuff from your car.  I need to sell the car as soon as I get the Grant Letters of Administration.  I've already paid for the road tax and car insurance last Wednesday and hopefully can get the car sold off by this month as I only paid the carpark for this month only.

Today Andy drove us to Toa Payoh in your car around lunch and we were there practically for the whole day.  We got home around 8 pm.  Initially I had half a mind about not going but then I thought it is good to bring Mikaail out otherwise we'll just stay home again.  You know how difficult it is to move around in the shopping malls on a weekend!

Andy cooked steak for lunch but as meat is no longer something that I eat, I just have the broccoli, cauliflower, mashed potato and appam!  Mariah managed to buy the Indian pancake, appam but was not as nice by the time I ate them as it was cold.  Mikaail didnt enjoy the steak too but loved the mashed potatoes.