Yesterday there was a light drizzle when we left home for school and work. Everything changed for us. Every morning I need to book a taxi for Mikaail to go to school then after I've settled him into the taxi, I walked to the MRT. Though there is a queue to get into the MRT, the queue suddenly disperse when the MRT opens its doors! So I would need to rush with other passengers for a seat. It's the fastest passenger wins! So stressful. It's at least a 45 minute ride to work so I'll be cranky otherwise!
It's now 43 days and I still cant talk about you or I will cry. There's a huge emptiness in my heart. One of my colleagues told me that I should move on and not keep thinking about the happy times. Yesterday I went lunch with another colleague and when we talked about you, my tears just flow. She said it was ok to let the tears flow and not to hold back. Usually I will try to hold back my tears when I talk about you. I'm not sure how I can ever move on!
Also, I went for counselling yesterday afternoon. I dont know what to expect from the counselling but as professionals in this field, I would have thought they would be able to help me cope with losing you. The counsellor who was assigned to me looked so young and inexperienced, one who probably would not have gone through life, much! It's rather disappointing as I felt so uncomfortable with the counsellor. I decided that I didnt want to be counselled by her and opted for another counsellor.
This morning when Mikaail woke up, the first thing he said to me was "dada no more". I felt very sad especially when this reminder comes from him. I'm not sure how much he understands about death but one thing I know is he knows you are gone forever and never coming back! I reminded him that no matter what, you are always in our hearts and we are always in yours!
I'm finding it really tough especially on weekends as there's just the 2 of us! I always ask myself "WHY?" Why did God take you away? On one hand, I think you didnt have to suffer before you were taken away which is good for you. I also want to believe you are in a much better place now then here. On the other hand, I've now go to do everything that we used to do together on my own!
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Day 41 & Day 42 on 17 & 18 July
I was at work when suddenly I felt sad and started to cry! I have no one that I could share my inner thoughts with! It's like in previous times I could just sms or call you to tell you but now, I just have to keep it to myself.
Oh btw after I sprayed the mailbox with the WD-40, it was much easier for me to lock the mailbox and you've been locking the mailbox all these years without much of a hassle! Your patience is remarkable!
You wouldnt believe how much I'm missing you now! Absence really makes the heart grow fonder especially when you are loved! A colleague of mine told me to imagine that you are on a long business trip/ Ya when you are on business trips, you do come home! How can it ever be associated with a business travel!
Today is day 42. Another day gone without you! I've yet to really get used to not having you to hug and love me. It rained this morning. How are you there? I hope you are managing well. I'm looking forward to the day that I am with you again! I hope you will remember me then.
I dont understand myself! On my way home today, while crossing the road, tears just started welling in my eyes! I really felt so abandoned and unloved by you. I asked God, why? Why take you away from me!
Every morning I rushed to work with a zillion other passengers in the packed MRT! I also remember the theory of LOA and have to focus on it every day! So far it has been very useful!
Oh btw after I sprayed the mailbox with the WD-40, it was much easier for me to lock the mailbox and you've been locking the mailbox all these years without much of a hassle! Your patience is remarkable!
You wouldnt believe how much I'm missing you now! Absence really makes the heart grow fonder especially when you are loved! A colleague of mine told me to imagine that you are on a long business trip/ Ya when you are on business trips, you do come home! How can it ever be associated with a business travel!
Today is day 42. Another day gone without you! I've yet to really get used to not having you to hug and love me. It rained this morning. How are you there? I hope you are managing well. I'm looking forward to the day that I am with you again! I hope you will remember me then.
I dont understand myself! On my way home today, while crossing the road, tears just started welling in my eyes! I really felt so abandoned and unloved by you. I asked God, why? Why take you away from me!
Every morning I rushed to work with a zillion other passengers in the packed MRT! I also remember the theory of LOA and have to focus on it every day! So far it has been very useful!
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Day 39 & 40 on 15 & 16 July 2013
Just heard from Jaye that someone they know just went for this stent procedure but after the angiogram procedure the doctor decided that a bypass would be better as the blockage was like 90%! Same hospital but not sure which doctor! So was the doctor who attended to you being complacent?
The pathologist did say the artery was 90% blocked according to the notes recorded by the attending doctor. He also said that what he is seeing is the after the work is done rather than before.
Today is the 40th day. It's just a coincidence that I'll be finding out more about the counselling service which my office had arranged for me. I needed to know how they can help before deciding. In office, I am wary of talking to others as I will just cry if any of my colleagues ask me about how I am coping.
Darling, there are so much more in my heart that I want to tell you but I just don't know how to say it out. I missed the little chats we have over dinner, in the car, the sms and much more! How can this be happening? I just wished you will come back at least in my dreams. Let me know how you are! I love you so much and with you gone, did you know that my heart is shattered???
The other day there was this lady who planned to kill her husband for the insurance money but she got the wrong hitman! She engaged an undercover detective! How stupid can some people be! Oh of course it is not in Singapore!! I supposed in her case she was having issues in her marriage. As if she's never heard of divorce!
The pathologist did say the artery was 90% blocked according to the notes recorded by the attending doctor. He also said that what he is seeing is the after the work is done rather than before.
Today is the 40th day. It's just a coincidence that I'll be finding out more about the counselling service which my office had arranged for me. I needed to know how they can help before deciding. In office, I am wary of talking to others as I will just cry if any of my colleagues ask me about how I am coping.
Darling, there are so much more in my heart that I want to tell you but I just don't know how to say it out. I missed the little chats we have over dinner, in the car, the sms and much more! How can this be happening? I just wished you will come back at least in my dreams. Let me know how you are! I love you so much and with you gone, did you know that my heart is shattered???
The other day there was this lady who planned to kill her husband for the insurance money but she got the wrong hitman! She engaged an undercover detective! How stupid can some people be! Oh of course it is not in Singapore!! I supposed in her case she was having issues in her marriage. As if she's never heard of divorce!
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Day 38 on 14 July
Weekends are now my lonely days and I dont look forward to any of them anymore! It's day 38 today and there's just me, Mikaail and my helper. Thought I cry lesser now, I still cry for you and I miss you very much! I will cry over the slightest happy thoughts I have of you and I still can’t accept that you left me so suddenly.
I've decided to find out more about the counselling that my boss, Jordi, had spoken to my office HR director about. I dont know what they can do. I'm having trouble adjusting to all the everyday stresses in life with you no longer around to support me.
When I talked about closure it was more about not knowing what is happening to you in the other world! I am hoping that I dream of you and for you to tell me that you are ok there and that you still loved us. I'm not sure if there will ever be a closure as I dont want to forget you at all. I still have vision of you in my mind and that's why I always cry when I think of these memorable times!
I've decided to find out more about the counselling that my boss, Jordi, had spoken to my office HR director about. I dont know what they can do. I'm having trouble adjusting to all the everyday stresses in life with you no longer around to support me.
When I talked about closure it was more about not knowing what is happening to you in the other world! I am hoping that I dream of you and for you to tell me that you are ok there and that you still loved us. I'm not sure if there will ever be a closure as I dont want to forget you at all. I still have vision of you in my mind and that's why I always cry when I think of these memorable times!
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Day 36 & Day 37 on 12 & 13 July 13
Gosh how time flies and it's now Day 37! I'm still missing you terribly! I'm yearning for your touch, your kiss and you! Do you know that I am really very sad that you are never coming back? I always ask myself, "How can this be?" You are a nice person - no airs, down-to-earth person, honest, helpful in short - my guardian angel!
There are many instances when I suddenly wanted to send you an sms to chat with you not realising that you are no longer around! When I realised it, I started to cry again! I dont know how long I can really tolerate this. Sometimes I feel this is really driving me nuts!
I don't look forward to weekends anymore. It's super depressing as there's only Mikaail, Marie & I. Where and what do we do? A big part of my life is gone with you! I've got no one to really share my daily ups and downs! So now I sometimes tell Mikaail how my day had been but what can he tell me?
You know, the articles I've been reading about Life After Death? I find it more depressing as I am concerned about how you are getting on there. I do hope that you are well and I really want to have the privilege to meet you again soon! I wanted you to tell me how you've been and what do I do now!
I read an article on the angioplasty and death resulting from this procedure is only 1 out of 500! So who screwed this up?? Yes, the doctor said 1% risk is still a risk! The pathologist didnt find any malpractice but he also said that what he saw was the after rather than before! Do you think I should get to the bottom of this whole procedure ie whether there was some form of screw up? I dont know what to do with this. I dont want to regret later on and I dont want to think that I was not being fair to you.
Like in Mikaail's case, yes, I did regret not following through with the hospital as I believe somehow some medical professionals there didnt do a proper follow up. The surgeon said the nerves for the eyes are miles away from where he was going to operate and then when Mikaail lost his vision, what they all did? Nothing!
I also told you before we should all go together. How can I continue life be like this? Almost every night I will cry myself to sleep. I'm heart broken.
There are many instances when I suddenly wanted to send you an sms to chat with you not realising that you are no longer around! When I realised it, I started to cry again! I dont know how long I can really tolerate this. Sometimes I feel this is really driving me nuts!
I don't look forward to weekends anymore. It's super depressing as there's only Mikaail, Marie & I. Where and what do we do? A big part of my life is gone with you! I've got no one to really share my daily ups and downs! So now I sometimes tell Mikaail how my day had been but what can he tell me?
You know, the articles I've been reading about Life After Death? I find it more depressing as I am concerned about how you are getting on there. I do hope that you are well and I really want to have the privilege to meet you again soon! I wanted you to tell me how you've been and what do I do now!
I read an article on the angioplasty and death resulting from this procedure is only 1 out of 500! So who screwed this up?? Yes, the doctor said 1% risk is still a risk! The pathologist didnt find any malpractice but he also said that what he saw was the after rather than before! Do you think I should get to the bottom of this whole procedure ie whether there was some form of screw up? I dont know what to do with this. I dont want to regret later on and I dont want to think that I was not being fair to you.
Like in Mikaail's case, yes, I did regret not following through with the hospital as I believe somehow some medical professionals there didnt do a proper follow up. The surgeon said the nerves for the eyes are miles away from where he was going to operate and then when Mikaail lost his vision, what they all did? Nothing!
I also told you before we should all go together. How can I continue life be like this? Almost every night I will cry myself to sleep. I'm heart broken.
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Day 35 on 11 July 2013
I feel like you are home you know! In the shower I see all your things, your shaving foam, shaver and I just wish you are still here with me.
About 2 days ago I sprayed the WD40 into the letterbox keyhole and seems like it is easier to lock the letterbox after I've collected the mails. It's been so frustrating each time I opened the mailbox. Dont know how you did it all these years! Some kind of tactic to locking it back!
Mikaail seems much better today. I think I shouldnt remind him that you're never coming back! Usually when I write to you, he will ask me what am I doing. I tell him that I am writing a letter to you and if he has any message for you. He dont know how to tell me that he misses you.
Now I'll just remind him to pray for you each time he misses you or when he thinks of you. I also tell him that he must remember you are in his heart always and that you always have us in your heart too!
Booked taxi again this morning. So far not been able to get a permanent driver yet. So got to book the taxi every morning. So far, the weather has been good so no real issue with getting a taxi.
MRT is always so packed every morning and so far I have been pretty lucky to get a seat to work. Sometimes midway, some days at the start of my trip. I need to focus on getting a seat in my mind - LOA! I've decided that I should get them into the taxi first before I head off to work. Gosh! So much that I've taken for granted!!
Luv us always, ok!
About 2 days ago I sprayed the WD40 into the letterbox keyhole and seems like it is easier to lock the letterbox after I've collected the mails. It's been so frustrating each time I opened the mailbox. Dont know how you did it all these years! Some kind of tactic to locking it back!
Mikaail seems much better today. I think I shouldnt remind him that you're never coming back! Usually when I write to you, he will ask me what am I doing. I tell him that I am writing a letter to you and if he has any message for you. He dont know how to tell me that he misses you.
Now I'll just remind him to pray for you each time he misses you or when he thinks of you. I also tell him that he must remember you are in his heart always and that you always have us in your heart too!
Booked taxi again this morning. So far not been able to get a permanent driver yet. So got to book the taxi every morning. So far, the weather has been good so no real issue with getting a taxi.
MRT is always so packed every morning and so far I have been pretty lucky to get a seat to work. Sometimes midway, some days at the start of my trip. I need to focus on getting a seat in my mind - LOA! I've decided that I should get them into the taxi first before I head off to work. Gosh! So much that I've taken for granted!!
Luv us always, ok!
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Day 34 on 10 July 2013
Time flies and its 34 days since you've been gone. Strangely this morning, Mikaail, wasnt his usual bubbly self. He was like in a daze! Then suddenly he asked me where are you. My tears just well up in my eyes and started to roll down my cheeks. I gave him a hug and told him that mama loves him and that you are in Heaven with nenek. He was also unusually quiet in school today too. Not too sure what happened to him.
He may now be feeling the stress! Also maybe last night he asked me what I was doing and I told him that I was going to write to you. No sure if this also triggered the stress for him.
There are lots of changes and we now book taxi in the morning to take him to school. Also, told him that he should finish his milk at home and can no longer drink his milk in the taxi. Will see how he is tomorrow.
When I got home this evening he was sleeping on his chair. You know how he loves to do the peek-a-boo right? He is not his usual self again! A bit concern with his behaviour. He hardly finish his bowl of tofu for lunch and didnt even finish the balance at dinner time. And he said he's tired and want to sleep.
He may now be feeling the stress! Also maybe last night he asked me what I was doing and I told him that I was going to write to you. No sure if this also triggered the stress for him.
There are lots of changes and we now book taxi in the morning to take him to school. Also, told him that he should finish his milk at home and can no longer drink his milk in the taxi. Will see how he is tomorrow.
When I got home this evening he was sleeping on his chair. You know how he loves to do the peek-a-boo right? He is not his usual self again! A bit concern with his behaviour. He hardly finish his bowl of tofu for lunch and didnt even finish the balance at dinner time. And he said he's tired and want to sleep.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Day 33 on 9 July 2013
Took leave today as Mariah has a medical appointment. Also, the lawyer office called yesterday to ask me and Jaye to go to their office to sign some papers in relation to the Inheritance Certificate. They will submit this Inheritance Certificate and my declaration that I will be the administrator of your Estate to the Subordinate Courts. About 2 weeks later, the lawyer can expect to receive the Grant Letters of Administration from the Subordinate Court and this will then allow me to start the process of selling the car! Remember I told you that I was going to sell off your car if you kick the bucket before me to minimise the liability? It's not so easy you know as we didnt get around with getting a Will!! Hopefully I can sell it by this month so I dont have to renew the season parking and pay the monthly instalment to the bank.
Mikaail said he missed you and pray for you. He is such an angel! It's Day 33 and I still see images of you from the time especially from the time I took a picture of you after you came back to the ward right up to the time you were buried!
I have yet to decide which design to select for your gravestone. There are many things we do together and now with you no longer around, I am falling apart too! You've been so much a part of me that it's very tough to go on like this. My heart is broken though I may appear strong. Lots of people tell me that I must be strong. Sure but it's not easy ie easier said than done!
Mikaail said he missed you and pray for you. He is such an angel! It's Day 33 and I still see images of you from the time especially from the time I took a picture of you after you came back to the ward right up to the time you were buried!
I have yet to decide which design to select for your gravestone. There are many things we do together and now with you no longer around, I am falling apart too! You've been so much a part of me that it's very tough to go on like this. My heart is broken though I may appear strong. Lots of people tell me that I must be strong. Sure but it's not easy ie easier said than done!
Monday, July 8, 2013
Day 32 on 8 July 2013
Another hot day! How about you there? I'm missing you terribly! I miss all the chats we used to have. Now I absolutely have no one to talk to the way that we usually chat about our day. Why is life so cruel? Please tell me what I should do. I feel really sad whenever I think of all the good times we had.
Went to lunch with one of my colleagues from IT today. Couldnt decide where to go so I ended eating waffle with peanut butter instead. Then at 3 pm, I made a cup of milo, horlicks & cereal drink cos I was so hungry! BTW, fasting month starts this Wednesday. How time flies! You're gone for more than a month today!
Oh, Sam Ong and Jean Lee called on your mobile but I couldnt speak with them so I sms them instead. They were shocked to hear about your demise. Sure, everyone that know you were shocked too! I am still trying to come to terms with all this.
Also, the lawyer called to say that both Jaye and I need to go to his office tomorrow to sign the declaration letter for them to submit these papers plus the inheritance certificate to the Subordinate Court to prepare for the Grant Letters of Administration. Jaye would need to be the administrator on behalf of Mikaail as he is under 21 years old.
Went to lunch with one of my colleagues from IT today. Couldnt decide where to go so I ended eating waffle with peanut butter instead. Then at 3 pm, I made a cup of milo, horlicks & cereal drink cos I was so hungry! BTW, fasting month starts this Wednesday. How time flies! You're gone for more than a month today!
Oh, Sam Ong and Jean Lee called on your mobile but I couldnt speak with them so I sms them instead. They were shocked to hear about your demise. Sure, everyone that know you were shocked too! I am still trying to come to terms with all this.
Also, the lawyer called to say that both Jaye and I need to go to his office tomorrow to sign the declaration letter for them to submit these papers plus the inheritance certificate to the Subordinate Court to prepare for the Grant Letters of Administration. Jaye would need to be the administrator on behalf of Mikaail as he is under 21 years old.
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Letter to Heaven - Day 31 on 7 July 2013
Today is Day 31 since you left me. I am really devastated that after 20 years together, you left me in a blink of an eye and it's all because of an angiogram procedure gone terribly wrong! I realised that I cry lesser now though there are days when I cry each time I talk about you. I know that you will remain in my heart and memory forever. I still miss you though. I am craving for your touch, darling and I needed to know that you are fine and happy and you still love us.
With you no longer around, weekends are no longer what they used to be. There is this emptiness in our hearts and the home is also unusually quiet! Nothing for us to look forward to on weekends. Previously I can plan stuff to do, places to eat or go on weekends, but now there really is none.
There are just so many things to get used to and it is very difficult for me to pick up the pieces. I always ask myself why must you go so soon? I am not sure if I want to even clear out your stuff yet though I had to clear the stuff from your car. I need to sell the car as soon as I get the Grant Letters of Administration. I've already paid for the road tax and car insurance last Wednesday and hopefully can get the car sold off by this month as I only paid the carpark for this month only.
Today Andy drove us to Toa Payoh in your car around lunch and we were there practically for the whole day. We got home around 8 pm. Initially I had half a mind about not going but then I thought it is good to bring Mikaail out otherwise we'll just stay home again. You know how difficult it is to move around in the shopping malls on a weekend!
Andy cooked steak for lunch but as meat is no longer something that I eat, I just have the broccoli, cauliflower, mashed potato and appam! Mariah managed to buy the Indian pancake, appam but was not as nice by the time I ate them as it was cold. Mikaail didnt enjoy the steak too but loved the mashed potatoes.
There are just so many things to get used to and it is very difficult for me to pick up the pieces. I always ask myself why must you go so soon? I am not sure if I want to even clear out your stuff yet though I had to clear the stuff from your car. I need to sell the car as soon as I get the Grant Letters of Administration. I've already paid for the road tax and car insurance last Wednesday and hopefully can get the car sold off by this month as I only paid the carpark for this month only.
Today Andy drove us to Toa Payoh in your car around lunch and we were there practically for the whole day. We got home around 8 pm. Initially I had half a mind about not going but then I thought it is good to bring Mikaail out otherwise we'll just stay home again. You know how difficult it is to move around in the shopping malls on a weekend!
Andy cooked steak for lunch but as meat is no longer something that I eat, I just have the broccoli, cauliflower, mashed potato and appam! Mariah managed to buy the Indian pancake, appam but was not as nice by the time I ate them as it was cold. Mikaail didnt enjoy the steak too but loved the mashed potatoes.
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Day 30 ie 1 Month on 6 July 2013
Today is exactly one month since you left us on Friday, 7 June. Time really flies! Everything happened so quickly and suddenly. We never had a chance to say goodbye nor was there a goodbye kiss! There's no one to hug and comfort me anymore!
Weekends now are exceptionally quiet and meaningless. We didnt do much productivity stuff today! I went through some of your stuff to search for your office keys so Mandy can help to retrieve your Nikon camera from the training store. I assumed that the camera ought to be in the store!
I shaved Mikaail again today and this time I used the electric shaver instead. I wasnt sure of the best method but I did check with Hashim and he said electric shaver wont cut him! There are now more roles for me to take over!
Weekends now are exceptionally quiet and meaningless. We didnt do much productivity stuff today! I went through some of your stuff to search for your office keys so Mandy can help to retrieve your Nikon camera from the training store. I assumed that the camera ought to be in the store!
I shaved Mikaail again today and this time I used the electric shaver instead. I wasnt sure of the best method but I did check with Hashim and he said electric shaver wont cut him! There are now more roles for me to take over!
Friday, July 5, 2013
Day 29 - 5 July 2013
Darling
I desperately need to dream of you! It's like I never meant anything to you anymore. I also needed to know how you are getting on there. I've been reading articles on Google about life after death and I'm trying to understand what is happening in your world.
Today Mikaail said he just said prayers for you. He is such an angel and we are very lucky to have him as our son. You know the kind of smile he showed when I told him so!
I'm still struggling with living without you. I dont know how long it will take before I can really move on with my own life and Mikaail. Everyone around us have been very helpful and accommodating but it is tougher now for me than before. I feel like the whole world is on my shoulders! Who do I share my thoughts with? All plans that we've made for our 20th wedding anniversary are now just plans!
Oh btw I am still not able to sell our car yet as there was no Will and the lawyer is working on getting the Inheritance Certificate before he can proceed to obtain the Grant Letters of Administration. This process will take a couple of months! So much hassle! I will have to get a Will sorted out once this Grant Letters of Administration is sorted out.
Also, I went to NTUC Income yesterday and made payment of the road tax and car insurance. The counter staff queried about you as Income did update their record that you had passed on. She told me that she was in the same situation as me 13 years ago and she had two young children to fend for! I cant talk about you and I started crying which made her feel sorry for me.
You will always be in my heart and in my mind and I am hoping I will somehow dream of you just so I can touch you again. I really miss you very much.
.
I desperately need to dream of you! It's like I never meant anything to you anymore. I also needed to know how you are getting on there. I've been reading articles on Google about life after death and I'm trying to understand what is happening in your world.
Today Mikaail said he just said prayers for you. He is such an angel and we are very lucky to have him as our son. You know the kind of smile he showed when I told him so!
I'm still struggling with living without you. I dont know how long it will take before I can really move on with my own life and Mikaail. Everyone around us have been very helpful and accommodating but it is tougher now for me than before. I feel like the whole world is on my shoulders! Who do I share my thoughts with? All plans that we've made for our 20th wedding anniversary are now just plans!
Oh btw I am still not able to sell our car yet as there was no Will and the lawyer is working on getting the Inheritance Certificate before he can proceed to obtain the Grant Letters of Administration. This process will take a couple of months! So much hassle! I will have to get a Will sorted out once this Grant Letters of Administration is sorted out.
Also, I went to NTUC Income yesterday and made payment of the road tax and car insurance. The counter staff queried about you as Income did update their record that you had passed on. She told me that she was in the same situation as me 13 years ago and she had two young children to fend for! I cant talk about you and I started crying which made her feel sorry for me.
You will always be in my heart and in my mind and I am hoping I will somehow dream of you just so I can touch you again. I really miss you very much.
.
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Day 27 & Day 28 (3 & 4 July)
How time flies! Today is Day 28! Much as I know you are never coming back, I am still hoping that I could dream of you. I miss you and I will admire the photo of you which I took after the procedure. When I looked at the photos I took after the 2nd procedure, your condition was literally going downhill!
Mikaail had his medical appointment with Dr Ong yesterday and I was surprised that he told Dr Ong that "dada no more, Dada go Heaven see nenek!" That's what I told him when you left us. Usually after his medical appointment, I bring him to one of the shopping malls and yesterday, I brought him to the new mall at Jurong East - JEM. Very spacious and even the wheelchair toilet is spacious! Almost similar shops but food court lack variety! There are only 2 Muslim food, one is the Indonesian grilled stuff and the other is the Indian food. Everything else is Chinese food from popular stalls located in various locations.
Yesterday your colleague, Choy Yin, from your HR department met up at the Coffee Bean outlet downstairs my office to pass me your prorated transport claim cheque and payslip. Your final salary was credited earlier into our joint account which is now closed. Oh by the way, I sms Mandy to ask her if she had managed to retrieve your latest Nikon camera but so far not yet. Maybe you can let me know where it is? I mean through my dreams, OK!
Today, Mikaail's teacher and the school social worker stopped by to see how we are managing and if we require assistance. I told them that right now my immediate concern, like what I told the MP, Mr Ong, is the transportation to ferry him to school. I've got a Transcab driver to pick them up from home to school. So far he's picked them up twice.
Somehow I cant really talk about you as my tears will just fall! Darling, I really need to hear from you that you are doing fine. Also, I cant bear to go through your stuff yet! So if you could let me know what is your preference then I will do my best.
Luv ya always!!
Mikaail had his medical appointment with Dr Ong yesterday and I was surprised that he told Dr Ong that "dada no more, Dada go Heaven see nenek!" That's what I told him when you left us. Usually after his medical appointment, I bring him to one of the shopping malls and yesterday, I brought him to the new mall at Jurong East - JEM. Very spacious and even the wheelchair toilet is spacious! Almost similar shops but food court lack variety! There are only 2 Muslim food, one is the Indonesian grilled stuff and the other is the Indian food. Everything else is Chinese food from popular stalls located in various locations.
Yesterday your colleague, Choy Yin, from your HR department met up at the Coffee Bean outlet downstairs my office to pass me your prorated transport claim cheque and payslip. Your final salary was credited earlier into our joint account which is now closed. Oh by the way, I sms Mandy to ask her if she had managed to retrieve your latest Nikon camera but so far not yet. Maybe you can let me know where it is? I mean through my dreams, OK!
Today, Mikaail's teacher and the school social worker stopped by to see how we are managing and if we require assistance. I told them that right now my immediate concern, like what I told the MP, Mr Ong, is the transportation to ferry him to school. I've got a Transcab driver to pick them up from home to school. So far he's picked them up twice.
Somehow I cant really talk about you as my tears will just fall! Darling, I really need to hear from you that you are doing fine. Also, I cant bear to go through your stuff yet! So if you could let me know what is your preference then I will do my best.
Luv ya always!!
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Darling on Day 26 - 2 July 2013
Why did you have to go so soon? I miss you so much. Everywhere I go, you are always in my mind! I remember the things we do together. During lunch today when I wanted to buy some fruits, I remember buying grapes for you then I started tearing. There is just so much that we do together which makes it rather difficult for me to move on without you!
Nowadays on weekdays, I shower Mikaail and Mariah brushes his teeth and Marie feeds him his breakfast. The usual morning chaos still exists!!
I've also managed to get a regular taxi driver, Alvin from Transcab through cabby.sg to drive them to school. Taxi fare range from $22 - $30 depending on the traffic condition. On their return trip, they board the Bus and MRT. We will send Mikaail to school on Monday, Tuesday and Friday then alternate his Wednesday and Thursday session as these are more for interaction with his classmates. I wasnt planning to cut off his school activities though.
Though I know you are never coming back I still miss you very much. It's so heartbreaking for me whenever I think of you, of the good times we had. I cant hold back my tears!
On top of this, I must be strong! How??? I have to continually keep my emotion under controlled!
Nowadays on weekdays, I shower Mikaail and Mariah brushes his teeth and Marie feeds him his breakfast. The usual morning chaos still exists!!
I've also managed to get a regular taxi driver, Alvin from Transcab through cabby.sg to drive them to school. Taxi fare range from $22 - $30 depending on the traffic condition. On their return trip, they board the Bus and MRT. We will send Mikaail to school on Monday, Tuesday and Friday then alternate his Wednesday and Thursday session as these are more for interaction with his classmates. I wasnt planning to cut off his school activities though.
Though I know you are never coming back I still miss you very much. It's so heartbreaking for me whenever I think of you, of the good times we had. I cant hold back my tears!
On top of this, I must be strong! How??? I have to continually keep my emotion under controlled!
Monday, July 1, 2013
Letter to Heaven - Day 25
Though I know you are never coming back, I am terribly missing you. Today is the 25th day since you've been gone. I am yearning for you and my tears will just roll down my cheeks by just thinking of you! Don't you miss me at all, dear?
I've been searching and reading articles on Life After Death. Some feel that all “good people” go to heaven or some form of paradise once they die, and that all “bad people” go to hell. Some believe that only the good dies young and that the body dies, while the soul moves on to a “different plane of existence.” You are definitely a good person but leaving us all so soon is heart breaking for me! How do I mend my broken heart?
Right now I am still finding it rather difficult to overcome my sadness. You've been a part of me for the past 20 years and we practically spend all of our time together other than at work. So now that you are no longer here, the emptiness is overwhelming!
I guess I needed to see you in my dreams and at the same time I am no sure if I am really ready to see your your reaction! Based on the forums I've read, most do not look for their wives!!
I know time will heal all broken hearts and right now it really is unbearable! Yes, I believe you would be disappointed if I dont stay strong for Mikaail. I have to. I've promised you that I will stay strong when I told you to let go. It is all to sudden and I had no choice to ask you to let go. The doctors said the vital organs are failing and they may have to amputate the arms once gangrene sets in.
I've been searching and reading articles on Life After Death. Some feel that all “good people” go to heaven or some form of paradise once they die, and that all “bad people” go to hell. Some believe that only the good dies young and that the body dies, while the soul moves on to a “different plane of existence.” You are definitely a good person but leaving us all so soon is heart breaking for me! How do I mend my broken heart?
Right now I am still finding it rather difficult to overcome my sadness. You've been a part of me for the past 20 years and we practically spend all of our time together other than at work. So now that you are no longer here, the emptiness is overwhelming!
I guess I needed to see you in my dreams and at the same time I am no sure if I am really ready to see your your reaction! Based on the forums I've read, most do not look for their wives!!
I know time will heal all broken hearts and right now it really is unbearable! Yes, I believe you would be disappointed if I dont stay strong for Mikaail. I have to. I've promised you that I will stay strong when I told you to let go. It is all to sudden and I had no choice to ask you to let go. The doctors said the vital organs are failing and they may have to amputate the arms once gangrene sets in.
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