Today is exactly one month since you left us on Friday, 7 June. Time really flies! Everything happened so quickly and suddenly. We never had a chance to say goodbye nor was there a goodbye kiss! There's no one to hug and comfort me anymore!
Weekends now are exceptionally quiet and meaningless. We didnt do much productivity stuff today! I went through some of your stuff to search for your office keys so Mandy can help to retrieve your Nikon camera from the training store. I assumed that the camera ought to be in the store!
I shaved Mikaail again today and this time I used the electric shaver instead. I wasnt sure of the best method but I did check with Hashim and he said electric shaver wont cut him! There are now more roles for me to take over!
Showing posts with label Letter to my darling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Letter to my darling. Show all posts
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Monday, June 24, 2013
Hello Darling on 24 June 2013
Missing you much!! Today is the 18th day since you've left and I'm really finding it tough. I'm still having some difficulties managing without you. I thought I was doing fine then while in the MRT this morning, something triggered my emotions and suddenly I started crying! My tears just kept on flowing. Yes, I get emotional just thinking of you and all the things we do together. I feel that I've been abandoned!
Where are you love? I'm not sure why I have yet to dream of you. Don't you miss me too? When my mum passed on, I dreamed of her soon after.
Are you upset with me? I'm truly sorry if you are. I know we did agree on not wanting the life support but I wanted to be fair to you in case you can make it as I cant believe you wont be able to pull through. Also, I'm really sorry that I was not by your bedside when you took your last breath. I'm truly sorry about this as I didnt expect you to go so quickly!
I'm not sure if I should be happy for you if you are happy over there. I am hoping that I will meet you in my dreams so you can let me know how you are doing. Please tell me what you would like me to do from here on. I am totally lost and I seek refuge at work to distract myself!
Luv ya always!
Where are you love? I'm not sure why I have yet to dream of you. Don't you miss me too? When my mum passed on, I dreamed of her soon after.
Are you upset with me? I'm truly sorry if you are. I know we did agree on not wanting the life support but I wanted to be fair to you in case you can make it as I cant believe you wont be able to pull through. Also, I'm really sorry that I was not by your bedside when you took your last breath. I'm truly sorry about this as I didnt expect you to go so quickly!
I'm not sure if I should be happy for you if you are happy over there. I am hoping that I will meet you in my dreams so you can let me know how you are doing. Please tell me what you would like me to do from here on. I am totally lost and I seek refuge at work to distract myself!
Luv ya always!
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Hello Darling - 23 June 2013
Just found out that today, 23 June, is International Widows’ Day! Gosh – I now fall into this Widow category!!
I’ve got so much to do now darling!! The first day that I opened the mailbox was earlier this week. That’s almost 2 weeks after you left us. You know how I’ve struggled to lock the mailbox previously. Well, nothing has changed. I’m still struggling to lock the mailbox! I was so close to leaving the mailbox unlocked the other day as I had so much trouble just locking the mailbox!
You were always around for both Mikaail and I because you loved me and your leaving so suddenly is the hardest thing that has happened to us!
I now travel on the MRT to and from work with a zillion other passengers in the early hours of the morning. Also, I wear minimum make up just in case the tears flow! The tears just flow without anywhere! Gone is the comfort of travelling in the car including to and from work and enjoying munchies in the car. Now I made sure to eat a light breakfast before I leave home as I was so hungry in the MRT the other day! Also, I travel on the MRT to everywhere else. I feel that I need to continue to save in case Mikaail needs hospitalization. I don’t feel right to splurge on taxi unless there really is no choice!
Right now our weekends are spent entirely at home. I don’t even go marketing on weekends and will just buy whatever I need on my way home after work. Jaye and Diana have offered to help with buying groceries for me but I declined as I prefer to do marketing on my own. Supermarket shopping is my retail therapy as I also buy the “Wants” instead of just the “Needs”!
Family and friends have told me that I must be strong for Mikaail and it is ok. I know they meant well but it is never going to be ok. How can it be ok? I guess I have no other choice other than to accept that you are never coming back! I really miss you! There has never been a day when I don’t cry for you darling. I am still extremely sad and feel really lonely. We do so many things together and now, it’s just me. I no longer have anyone I can discuss things with, share my inner feelings with, share my opinion of clothes I intend to buy. It’s just going to be me! Our future plans have all gone down the drain! I was totally unprepared and I guess you probably are too!
Love you always!
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Hello Darling - 21 June 2013
We really miss you very much and Mikaail said he love “DaDa and DaDa is in his heart.. I’m feeling the emptiness in my heart and if Mikaail understands this, he probably would be too! I’m still hoping that this is all a nightmare but I know it is real! Oh God, why? Why must it be him?
Darling, don’t you miss us at all? I’m hoping to meet you in my dreams!
Today, I started clearing your Ferrari backpack and also some other stuff I brought back from the car. Gosh! So many things to clear and I’m just not ready to clear your things as I feel terribly sad. My tears just kept flowing!
Love us always!
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Letter to my darling - 20 June 2013
Hello darling
I left for my office at 6:35 am and got into the MRT around 6:45 am. Arrived at Raffles Place MRT almost an hour later. My day went pretty well today except for the unexpected tears when I thought of you. So now, I have to ensure I have tissue paper with me. The other day when I was in the MRT to work, the tears just flow and I had to literally wipe my tears with my hands then onto my dress! I've not gone back to work regularly yet but I do plan to come back to work next Monday.
It's been more than 2 weeks now and I am still unable to come to terms with not having you in the house! My tears just flow whenever I think of you, of the good times we've had. I wished I know what you are doing right now! I missed you so much and now I'm literally by myself! Now, I have no one else who I can share my heart's content with, no one to discuss matters with and everything else falls on my shoulder too! Whatever decision I make now will just be mine!
Remember the off-white flowing dress with big beautiful pastel flowers which I love very much? Now you never had the chance to see me in it! I know that I've promised you I will be strong to care for Mikaail. It's just that I am finding it really tough to manage my own emotions. I told Mikaail that you've gone to Heaven to meet my mum.
I met the pathologist who performed the autopsy yesterday and when I showed him your photo I took after your procedure, he said you were a good looking guy and so young too! He said it is rare for death to occur for a relatively low risk procedure. So what went wrong? He said from the report, it doesnt seem like there is any negligence and the SGH doctors were upfront about the steps they took!
In the 3 days that you were admitted to the hospital, you were gone! It's heartbreaking!
I left for my office at 6:35 am and got into the MRT around 6:45 am. Arrived at Raffles Place MRT almost an hour later. My day went pretty well today except for the unexpected tears when I thought of you. So now, I have to ensure I have tissue paper with me. The other day when I was in the MRT to work, the tears just flow and I had to literally wipe my tears with my hands then onto my dress! I've not gone back to work regularly yet but I do plan to come back to work next Monday.
It's been more than 2 weeks now and I am still unable to come to terms with not having you in the house! My tears just flow whenever I think of you, of the good times we've had. I wished I know what you are doing right now! I missed you so much and now I'm literally by myself! Now, I have no one else who I can share my heart's content with, no one to discuss matters with and everything else falls on my shoulder too! Whatever decision I make now will just be mine!
Remember the off-white flowing dress with big beautiful pastel flowers which I love very much? Now you never had the chance to see me in it! I know that I've promised you I will be strong to care for Mikaail. It's just that I am finding it really tough to manage my own emotions. I told Mikaail that you've gone to Heaven to meet my mum.
I met the pathologist who performed the autopsy yesterday and when I showed him your photo I took after your procedure, he said you were a good looking guy and so young too! He said it is rare for death to occur for a relatively low risk procedure. So what went wrong? He said from the report, it doesnt seem like there is any negligence and the SGH doctors were upfront about the steps they took!
In the 3 days that you were admitted to the hospital, you were gone! It's heartbreaking!
Monday, June 17, 2013
Letter to My Darling
Hey Darling
Where have you been? I’ve not sense your presence since the day you left us. I hope you are in a much better place than here.
Did you know that I miss you very much? Did you miss us too? I’ve told Mikaail that you’ve gone to heaven and will meet my mum and that we will see you soon. I told him that he must always remember that you are in his heart. I think he also misses you as just last Saturday, he asked me if dada is busy! He kinda of expecting you home! He had his burst of “short circuits” over the past weekend. Mariah was nice to stay behind but I told her to go home last Saturday and take a break!
I’m truly sorry that I was not with you when you took your last breath! I truly am. I didn’t expect you to leave so soon as the doctors were still hoping that there may be a glimmer of hope. I did tell them your wish of not being on the life support machine and they told me they have to monitor first. I had a quick breakfast at the cafeteria and when I got back into the ward at approximately 9 am, the doctor told me that you had just left.
Sometimes I cry myself to sleep as I am still grappling with your demise. It’s all too sudden!
Tomorrow I am going to meet the lawyers to sort out the Grant Letters of Administration since there’s no Will. Also, going to follow up with the Pathologist as I couldn’t make out what on earth caused this sudden death! They should follow NTUC Income policies where these are now worded in layman terms !
Oh ya, Allan had been a great help! So far, seems like he is the only insurance agent who actually met his client in the hospital plus help to complete the claims forms, go to the insurance company to submit the papers! I was told that even Mazlan and Andy had to do the claims themselves!
Luv Ya Always
Where have you been? I’ve not sense your presence since the day you left us. I hope you are in a much better place than here.
Did you know that I miss you very much? Did you miss us too? I’ve told Mikaail that you’ve gone to heaven and will meet my mum and that we will see you soon. I told him that he must always remember that you are in his heart. I think he also misses you as just last Saturday, he asked me if dada is busy! He kinda of expecting you home! He had his burst of “short circuits” over the past weekend. Mariah was nice to stay behind but I told her to go home last Saturday and take a break!
I’m truly sorry that I was not with you when you took your last breath! I truly am. I didn’t expect you to leave so soon as the doctors were still hoping that there may be a glimmer of hope. I did tell them your wish of not being on the life support machine and they told me they have to monitor first. I had a quick breakfast at the cafeteria and when I got back into the ward at approximately 9 am, the doctor told me that you had just left.
Sometimes I cry myself to sleep as I am still grappling with your demise. It’s all too sudden!
Tomorrow I am going to meet the lawyers to sort out the Grant Letters of Administration since there’s no Will. Also, going to follow up with the Pathologist as I couldn’t make out what on earth caused this sudden death! They should follow NTUC Income policies where these are now worded in layman terms !
Oh ya, Allan had been a great help! So far, seems like he is the only insurance agent who actually met his client in the hospital plus help to complete the claims forms, go to the insurance company to submit the papers! I was told that even Mazlan and Andy had to do the claims themselves!
Luv Ya Always
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