Hello Darling - 23 June 2013

Just found out that today, 23 June, is International Widows’ Day!  Gosh – I now fall into this Widow category!!

I’ve got so much to do now darling!!  The first day that I opened the mailbox was earlier this week.  That’s almost 2 weeks after you left us.  You know how I’ve struggled to lock the mailbox previously.  Well, nothing has changed.  I’m still struggling to lock the mailbox!  I was so close to leaving the mailbox unlocked the other day as I had so much trouble just locking the mailbox!

You were always around for both Mikaail and I because you loved me and your leaving so suddenly is the hardest thing that has happened to us!

I now travel on the MRT to and from work with a zillion other passengers in the early hours of the morning.  Also, I wear minimum make up just in case the tears flow!  The tears just flow without anywhere!  Gone is the comfort of travelling in the car including to and from work and enjoying munchies in the car.  Now I made sure to eat a light breakfast before I leave home as I was so hungry in the MRT the other day!  Also, I travel on the MRT to everywhere else.  I feel that I need to continue to save in case Mikaail needs hospitalization.  I don’t feel right to splurge on taxi unless there really is no choice!

Right now our weekends are spent entirely at home.  I don’t even go marketing on weekends and will just buy whatever I need on my way home after work.  Jaye and Diana have offered to help with buying groceries for me but I declined as I prefer to do marketing on my own.  Supermarket shopping is my retail therapy as I also buy the “Wants” instead of just the “Needs”!

Family and friends have told me that I must be strong for Mikaail and it is ok.  I know they meant well but it is never going to be ok.  How can it be ok?  I guess I have no other choice other than to accept that you are never coming back!  I really miss you!  There has never been a day when I don’t cry for you darling.  I am still extremely sad and feel really lonely.  We do so many things together and now, it’s just me.  I no longer have anyone I can discuss things with, share my inner feelings with, share my opinion of clothes I intend to buy.  It’s just going to be me!  Our future plans have all gone down the drain!  I was totally unprepared and I guess you probably are too!

Love you always!