Day 2 of Leading to Alex’s Demise

More devastating news – vital organs have started to fail.  Very little urine signals kidney failure, skin turning yellow indicates liver issue, low blood pressure is another signal that shows very weak heart!  Then the doctors got another team of specialist to see if there is any chance they could help.  They told us that if we intend to try and keep him, we must be prepared that they would have to amputate his right arm as the arteries are also failing and gangrene will set in!

Gosh!  Even if it were me, I would rather just die!!  Anyway as we had both signed off our organs years ago – I thought I should honour what we agreed but it is not as simple.  It was easy to agree when we are both alive and well but when the other is fighting for life, it seems rather heartless!!  Initially I thought I should honour our agreement but this means I wouldn’t have given him any fighting chance at all!

At this point, I decided that I should bring my son, Mikaail, and another of my sisters who is my son’s main caregiver to visit him.  They have not seen him ever since we left for the hospital very early on Wednesday morning.  I didn’t want to bring my son as he has multiple disabilities, wheelchair bound, blind and has very low immune system.  I’m afraid that he may contract viruses in the hospital.  Anyhow, since my husband’s condition is really critical, I thought I’d take a chance.  When my son came, I let him hold my husband’s hand.  I doubt my husband could feel him as that’s the hand which is presumably “dead”.  There were many machines and with Mikaail on a wheelchair, it was tough to bring him round the other side of the room.

Together, the 2 of us sang “Special Angel by Bobby Helms” and “Hero by Mariah Carey”.  We used to sing these songs together as the lyrics are very meaningful.

The doctors told us that we should have a family discussion whether to let him go and not to make the sole decision.  After discussion with both sides of our families, we decided that since the major organs are failing, it is better to let him go.  I told the doctors that they must ensure that there is absolutely no pain at all for him.

I sat by his side and told him to let go.  I promised him I will take care of Mikaail.  He is my son and I will be with him.