Memories of POE 2

I remembered one session when Adam asked something about what would you do if there was a violent fight kind of do or die type. He asked the class and I supposed most of them said they will fight. Then he asked is there anyone who would not fight and I raised my hand. Oh boy, was that a wrong move or what! Tell you why, just read on.

Anyhow, that's how I really felt. With my life, I just felt at times, that it is not worth living. I've always wanted a son for a child since I was in secondary school. I remembered telling my home economics teacher that I would prefer a boy than a girl. In my mind, boy would be easier to take care and they can grow up wild whereas growing wild do not apply for girls.

Then when I got pregnant with a boy, I was so very happy. Then he was diagnosed as a cerebral palsy child at the age of 1. The neurologist told us that he was a mild case of cerebral palsy, but there is no cure. I've accepted him as much as he had accepted me. To make things worst, he had stroke when he turned 7 which was almost 5 years ago.

I really regretted signing the papers to allow the damn doctors to operate on him to save his life! Little did I know that he was going to lose his vision, his speech, his movement. The surgeons then told me that the vision nerves are far away from where they will be operating/cutting the skull. Like hell, it was far away! Up to today, I felt that it's fine if they can save him but at least save a person's life if there is quality. No quality - save for what? For their own personal mission, I would assume. I wished I had the courage to tell the doctors to go to hell!

Anyway, back to Adam, then he asked if someone were to take a knife and kill me, would I allow it. Guess what my answer was? I nodded my head. Another big mistake! He asked if 20 million people die and only one person lived, what would you say to this survivor. Most of the participants responded by saying that they will ask this person to be grateful to be alive or something to the effect. Then he talked about what if you have a quarrel with your sibling. In a fit of anger, you ran across the road. A speeding car just happened to drive by almost knocking you, then the sibling you had the quarrel with managed to pushed you to safety sacrificing himself/herself, what would your life be. My response was I will live the rest of my life in regret as opposed to the others who said they will value their life more so that the sacrifice did not go to naught!

Then he talked about the sperms and the egg thingy. It's like teaching biology - the human body - the birds and the bees! Anyway, while explaining the sperm story about only the strong, determined sperm will survive the journey to the egg, he practically slammed the flipchart and it fell, hitting the wall causing the legs to be dismantled! He looked so angry and I got worried, I cried especially when he said something like I didnt value my own life! I've never seen him so angry in all his sessions I've attended. He's always showed the jovial part of him!