Day 233 on 26 January 2014: Living Without My Darling Husband

You know I really hate weekends and public holidays!  The next long weekend is this Friday being CNY and it's even worst now for me!  Urgh!  God!  Why so unfair???   I am still finding it really tough living without you!  I know that you are gone and yet I am still missing you!  Work became my "best friend".  I had a different focus.

Yesterday Mikaail had fits and this one was super serious!  He was zonked out for the whole day and even today.  He hardly utter any words and when he did, no one can hear him.  He cant even drink his milk so had to feed him using either a syringe or spoon.  He is really in a world of his own.  I'm sure this is due to the seizure he had yesterday morning.  Apart from this episode, he also had his normal fits.  Between yesterday and today he had almost a total of 10 - 12 attacks!

Another thing I am thinking of bringing Mikaail for acupuncture!  The stuff I read from Google seems to say that acupuncture can be used for stroke recovery!  A colleague church friend who had stroke seemed to be 80% recovered!

Today I was supposed to go back to Woodlands to drop off stuff and at the same time pick up stuff.  Since Mikaail is unwell, we decided not to go and let him rest.  This morning, there was the usual commotion and I was so close to screaming!  So I had to intervene especially with Mikaail so zonked out!

On a lighter note, I've started going to the gym.  Wished we had done this before!  Remember I was keen for us to sign up for the combat training?  Anyway, I've started my first body combat session last week.  I did enjoy it and I kept thinking how wonderful it would have been had we gone together for the classes.  Also, my first Run this year will be the following Saturday, 9 Feb ie the inaugural Mediacorp Hong Bao 2014 Run.  When I signed up for it, not much details were provided.  Anyway, now I know that the route was similar as Shape Run.  I collected the run pack last Friday evening since the run is barely 2 weeks' time.

I've practically got to do all the things that we used to do together solo!!  Depressing, really!  See today despite having to worry about Mikaail's condition, I also have to remain emotionally and physically strong as I cant show sadness at home.  I have to always keep my emotions tucked away!

Also, I am thinking of going back for refresher classes with AKLTG and IBEI.  I need different things to focus in order to keep my mind sane!

I am planning to visit you again this Thursday - eve of CNY!  This time I will go on my own though and will pop over at my mum's first then you.  So I can spend more time at your plot.  What has happened to you?  Did you ever miss us?  I am thinking if I should even give it a shot at talking to you through the unconventional method.