You know what? This morning Mikaail asked me "da da?". Usually he would have said "da da no more" So I asked him if he saw you in his dreams and he said yes. He showed me the "good" sign. I asked him if you told him to be a good boy and he said yes. Not sure if he really comprehends this.
I miss you too! Though I know you are never coming back, a part of me is still longing for you. I miss all the times we spent together and the smses we sent to each other so often. After 20 years of marriage and suddenly I am left all alone, it is really difficult for me to adjust. Every one I know told me I need to move on. Sure. I know that but it's not easy and they also know that.
Songs that remind me of you and mails with your name bring the sadness in my heart. I supposed at the end of the day, I am not ready to let go. I am still clinging on to all things related to you. I don't know if there is really life the other side and how you are getting by, if there is really such a thing!
It will soon be 100 days since you've departed. If its not for work, I'll probably gone bananas! At least the job keeps my mind focus elsewhere. Weekends and public holidays which I used to look forward to are now very much dreaded! In my mind you are very much alive and I still see you with both hands stretched out showing me the stickers which were left behind by the hospital. These memories also bring back all the sadness again. I am afraid I might lose all the memories in time to come. There are so many more things I need to discuss with you but how to??
I came across a newspaper article you cut and keep in your drawer. I'm not sure if I should contact the doctor and bring Mikaail there for review. Who do I consult? Can I trust the medical professionals? What if something else happens? How do I go on?
Changed my mind about going to the library today as the clouds look like it was going to open up any moment!
Anyway, after changing from Starhub to Singtel, the TV was not connected to the speakers. I had to call Hashim to help fix them up. So now all 3 speakers are re-connected to the TV.
Miss you terribly!
No comments:
Post a Comment