Gosh it's almost 5 months of living without you! How have you been? Both Mikaail and I are missing you terribly! Do you miss us too? How I wish I know what is happening in your world!
The other day when I told my colleague about the 3 steps to take to speak to the dearly departed, she said her aunt was also interested to do it if I get to speak with you! Then another colleague gave me another method to speak with you. I am keen and at the same time quite scared. You know I am not the bravest person in this world, right. Eh darling, though I hope to be able to speak with you again, please just appear in my dreams ok :)
Did you remember the day I dreamed of you? In my dreams, I was at the back of a pick up when I spotted you. Don't ask me why as I have no idea why a pick up! Anyway, I remembered your smile and the hug you gave me when I told you I missed you much! It was the weekend before I went to your new site! The kakak (contractor) said it's probably because they may have moved the soil when constructing the tombstone. I had asked her if she could help me to take photos of the step-by-step but she said it's usually done in the night and so far no one has ever done this! By now I hope you would have seen the tombstone that was erected. Hope you like it.
Your stuff are still pretty much in the same way you left them and I just cant bear to do anything with them yet. I'm not sure if I ever will. I just feel that my life now is so aimless. I dont feel the motivation to continue living if not for Mikaail! I cant leave him in Mariah's care too as that would unfair to her. Then again, is life fair? Some of my friends say that I am strong. Do I have a choice? I need to be strong as I still need to work. I am now the sole breadwinner! Wow! Sounds really heavy task you know! REALLY hate it that everything I do or plan to do, I do it solo!
I've not gone for the internet courses that I've signed up for nor have I gone for the get-together meetings with the team! I just couldnt find the drive to continue. If its not for work, I'll probably go bonkers!
Sometimes I ask myself what if it is the other way around. You would have a lot more to manage other than just the emotion bit. Would you have missed me as much as I've missed you? You know after your demise, I've lost the only true soul mate I have in my life!
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