159 Days of Living Without You

Just finished a-2-full day meeting at the Park Hotel Clarke Quay today.  So busy!  I had to book taxi to get me to the hotel and back unlike those days when you send and pick me.  Then you usually helped me to transport the equipment back to office!  Now I have to make another trip to the hotel to pick these up!  Though it's all work, you were always there for me!

I hope you are doing fine wherever you are.  Feels as if you are in another world!  Did you meet both our parents and our little darling angel?  Do you miss us?  How was it that you had to leave us so soon!  What happened to all the promises of living together into our silver years!  I really feel so short changed!  I hope you can see all these and I dont know how or if you could see!  Gone are all my happy memories!

Mikaail misses you very much too!  He is extremely quiet and refuse to talk much.  If he does say something, it will be very soft and almost impossible to hear what he said!  It gets a bit frustrating sometimes.  Then he kept bending his body and will tell himself to sit up or he will ask to for help to help him sit up.  Gone are the days when he wants to listen to Hi-5 or Barney.  He is not keen with the weekend sing-along too!  When we go out, he will cover his ears and sometimes his face as the sounds may be too loud for him!  I don't know how else to help him understand your demise and let him mourn for you! I am still struggling with this.

I really hate the weekends!  It really is very taxing emotionally and physically.  Just imagine when you were around.  I could share everything and now ...

I've got friends who said I am strong and brave!  What should I do?  I cant possibly kill myself without taking Mikaail with me!  Do I have much of a choice to carry on living without you, right?

Luv us always!