H&M Outlet @ Orchard Building

Decided to check out H&M at Orchard Building today. With so much hype and all I thought I would probably spend a couple of hours shopping at H&M so I decided to apply annual leave to shop with Mikaail to avoid the weekend and school holiday crowd especially since Mikaail is on wheelchair.  It is not easy moving around on a weekend especially with the year end school holidays now!

After breakfast at Enak Enak at Simpang Bedok, we head for H&M @ Orchard Building. I was quite surprised at the condition of the clothes on display. They looked like as if these were taken out from the carton and immediately displayed. So far, most shops display clothes that are neatly pressed apart from the sales items!

Anyway, we picked up a couple of clothings, tees, hair accessories and a cap. Unfortunately, I didnt get to try them out as Mikaail needed the toilet and guess what, there is none in H&M! I think this is about a first - a shopping mall has no toilet facilities? How could there not be a toilet in the building? How about their staff? Dont they need to go to the toilet as well?  Ridiculous!! So I decided not to bother with the purchase and also wont go to their outlet ever again!

Mum's Last Moments

I remember mum's last moment clearly.  She left us peacefully on Wednesday, 28 September 2011 at approximately 1:35-1:38 pm though the official time was indicated as 1.45 pm.

I cant get it out of my mind that I was the one who accompanied her in the ambulance then to the hospital and she never came back!  I feel really dumb.  She is so sick and yet there was no medication administered to cure her and the only medication given to her was to calm her so she can die peacefully!!  Crap right! Cannot forgive myself and I really regret it.  One one hand, when mum was alive, she was constantly in pain and by living means she would be going through her pain daily.  What good is life if there is no quality?

Anyhow about a few weeks after my mum's departure, around 7/8 pm, I suddenly got a sniff of the "kemiyan" then I sms Jaye and guess what she said, "mum came to visit on weekend!"  Then at night - my room door suddenly rattled as if there is wind knocking on the door.  "Wah lau" - damn scary ok.  So I immediately shut down my laptop and rush to bed but unfortunately I was quite wide awake till early morning!!

My personal feel is that maybe mum was disappointed with me, especially since I was the one who brought her to the hospital although she was the one who wanted me to bring her there.  She must have been in severe pain otherwise she would not want to go to the hospital.  She knows that when she gets admitted, there will be tests which inevitably result in pain for her! Going to the hospital is one thing.  Not coming back alive is another!

Also mum had sort of lost her will to live and was groaning in pain almost every night. The day she was admitted to hospital, she must have been in severe pain.  Its better to let her go then suffer.  Who are we to decide that she had lived up to a ripe age.

The doctors showed us x-rays taken when she was discharged in early Sept and upon her admission on 26 September.  Her lungs were filled with water and only a section of her lungs was filled with air - its like she is "drowning".
Right up to now, I still have images of my mum in my head - images of her during the cleansing ritual and how peaceful she look.  Who am I kidding??  Imagine if you are given only medication to be calm, wont you be calm as well?  True mum was in pain and she wanted to go to the hospital but I am sure she didnt expect me to leave her there to die.  Peaceful or not is really subjective!  On hindsight, I feel really dumb!  How can anyone who is seriously ill recover if there is no medication administered!  The only medication really administered was the painkillers to calm her.  I've decided that I must sign the Advanced Medical Directive in order that I dont add unnecessary stress to Alex in the event that I am seriously ill!

Then there was an article in the Straits Times recently about a couple who did not give up on their son all the way to the very last moment before donating their son's organ.  I think perhaps mum should be given a bit more time to live.  Maybe she can use the time to really decide what she wants done after she is gone ie her wishes.  I am worried that I might lose the memories I've had with mum. 

Asmah's Birthday

22 October was my youngest sister, Asmah's birthday.  As a few of us attended Mikaail's Make-A-Wish Foundation party, I thought it would be a great idea to celebrate her birthday at my home.  It was an impromptu party and another of my sisters, Rose bought some snacks and I got her ice cream cake from Swensen's. 

Usually with Swensen's cake you need quite a bit of time to defrost the cake but as this one was taken off the shelf, it was much easier to cut though we still need to use the normal knife - not the plastic cake knife.

Gathering at Mum's

How time flies!! Yesterday, 15 October, is mum's 18th days of departure and it being a Saturday, we, the sisters, met up at mum’s to clear out mum’s wardrobe.

Didn’t realize mum had 8 wonderful daughters!  Yes, 8, and 1 is in Perth Australia.  Seated in between my eldest sister, Ani, is my son, Mikaail - the only thorn amongst the roses!!

As we didn’t want the hassle of cooking and clearing up, we decided to have lunch at Fork & Spoon Foodcourt.  We intend to meet up perhaps over hi-tea perhaps once a month.
 

Then when I prepared iced coffee in the kitchen, suddenly I sniff a sweet smelling flowery sense. Got me a bit of a surprise then I called out to one of my sisters so she can confirm if she also could sniff the sense. Assumption was that mum was there in the kitchen. How true is this? I supposed no one can really confirm this.

Am I Being Fair to Mum

I still remember my last communication with my mum - Monday, 26 September.  When I saw a missed call from my mum's mobile number on my mobile phone, I panicked.  All these years, my mum never called me on my mobile especially when I am at work.  So I immediately called my mum and spoke to Marie, my helper.

Mum is very sick and this time when I asked her if she wants to go to the hospital, she said ok.  Usually she wouldn't want to go.  I took urgent leave and left my office slightly after noon.  Called the private ambulance service when I was near home and they arrived about half an hour later.  I accompanied mum to Tan Tock Seng Hospital.  Never in my wildest dream did I think that was the last time I communicated with her.

Throughout the time she was in the A&E, she was administered with oxygen to help her breathe better.  This makes it difficult for her to speak.  So I told her to just relax and not think about anything else.

She was eventually allocated a bed in the ward close to dinner time.  When her regular cardiologist came to check on her in the ward, he told us ie me, my sister and my husband the severity of my mum's condition.  Her vital organs ie lungs, heart and kidneys are failing.  Her lungs only had a tiny space of air and the rest of her lungs were filled with water.  If she was to be transferred to the ICU, there will be tubes to be inserted into her throat and chest to remove the water and of course she would feel some pain and discomfort.  

The cardiologist also told us that the ICU stay was for them to help the machine take over from her while her body recovers and her body will eventually need to function without the machine.   He also stressed that there is no guarantee that mum would be out of the ICU after all this, alive.  Mum had told my sister and I previously that her last hospital stay where she had tubes inserted into her to pump out the water was rather painful.

Then another doctor came and she also reiterated my mum's condition and even showed us the x-rays taken when she was discharged on 8 September and again the one taken upon admission.  The x-ray taken at A&E showed that water had filled her most of her lungs!  No wonder she looks so plump though soft!

I remembered that she complained of severe pain several times in the night and on ocassions I gave her painkillers just to ease the pain for her.  Sometimes she groaned in pain and on ocassions she will ask for medication even though she had already been given.  Up to now, I still feel that I didnt give my mum a chance to really decide that she didnt want to prolong her life.

Looking back, I now realised that there was really no medication that was administered to my mum during her stay in the hospital other than medication to calm her and I suppose to slowly let her go.  I am very disappointed with myself! 

Mum's Last Days

Mum left me on 28 Sept 11.  Incidentally, it was the last day of Hari Raya Puasa.  Official time of her passing away is 1:45 pm though she breathe her last breath around 1:35-1:38 pm.  This was about the time that the heart monitor went flat.  The doctor was away and the hospital requires the doctor to certify her passing away therefore the time difference.

I could still remember the look on her face.  She looks like she was sleeping and her tongue was hanging a little loosely as if you were teasing someone.

I feel a sudden emptiness in my heart though I know that mum would not have to suffer the pain that she has been enduring the past few months.  I still feel that maybe mum was not ready to leave this world though she did say she would be better off dead.  After her fall last September, she never fully recovered and one thing leads to another.  Whenever I hear her moan she tells me of the pain which is unbearable.  I will usually tell her to think about Mikaail who, though handicapped, is a happy go lucky chap!

I feel a lump in my chest and I cant believe that my mum has left me.  I still feel as if I had not given my mum the chance to live on. 

Mum

Mum's condition does not look like she will improve ever since she was discharged on 8 Sept!  Her water retention issue seems to worsen and she is terribly tired.  This picture was taken on 22 August when she was still in the hospital.


Mum on 22 Aug 11 in TTSH



Mum & I on 2 Sept 11



I felt that mum needs to be involved in something around the house.  I got her to help pluck the beansprout tails, taught Marie how to prepare pickled cucumber ("achar")



Mum telling Marie how to prepare pickled cucumber





Mum explaining to Marie what needs to be done with the cucumber





My Personal Trainer

Check out my personal trainer - an investment of $499 plus a one-time payment of S$59!

There are so many selections to make - personal training, gym and fitness.  Didnt realise that there so many to choose from.  For all the exercises, you see the number of calories burned and hear the encouraging comments from the fitness instructor.

You can change your personal trainer anytime by going to the Kinect Home Page!

Weekends



Mama bathing Mikaail

Weekends are generally super duper busy for me.  The day starts with me going to NTUC for my weekly marketing at NTUC around 7:45 am, then head to Mr Bean at Causeway Point to get beancurd for Mikaail and my mum, got back about an hour later, prepared and fed Mikaail his breakfast ie soyabean drink and ,  beancurd then fed him his mediation plus his vitamin, attended to his toileting needs, shower, etc, etc.

Today's lunch for both Mikaail and mum is Campbell chicken soup with alphabet pasta, baby shanghai green, carrots, sausage and crabstick.  After having 3 spoonfuls, mum decided she wanted porridge.  So got Marie to cook congee for mum plus  the other sides.

Then I panfried a fish fillet and also my favourite "chincalok" omelette with preserved sliced green chilli.  Taste was just superb.  Chincalok is an acquired taste so it wont appeal to everyone!

Despite him not having vision and his disabilities, he is always so cheerful and very obedient.  As always Mikaail is ever so grateful.  He thanked me for attending to his needs!

Shape Run 2011

I've just received my Shape Run 2011 certificate.  It's official - I completed my Shape Run 2011 in under 45 minutes! 

Mum

Mum is very sick and when I visited her earlier this afternoon, she complained of breathlessness.  She seemed very much weaker than when she was in my home before her medical appointment last Tuesday, 16 August.  Not sure if it was better for her to be admitted.  Though she was weak with the water retention and breathlessness, she definitely looked worst now.

This picture is taken last month before she got discharged.

Me & Mum in July in TTSH

Maybe she should just be discharged and at least let her spend her last days at home!  In the hospital, the other patients are all given oxygen to help with their breathing too.  She commented that ya but she is the one with one leg.

I had discussed with my siblings that we will hold the Hari Raya gathering in my home but looks like we will likely hold it in my mum's home instead.  My nephew is really very thoughtful.  He will be taking leave this week to take care of my mum!!

Exercise Regime

I’ve got new exercise regime which I have been doing on a fairly regularly. These are extracts from Shape Magazine – June 2011 – issue.

Plank Hop – Works core, chest, arms and butt

1. Stand with feet hip-width apart
2. Bend over and place palms on ground (bend knees if necessary)
3. Straighten legs until you’re in plank position, balancing on toes with wrists aligned under shoulders
4. Tighten abs so body is straight.
5. Jump feet to hands then jump back to plank
6. Do 10 times

Torso Twist with Knee Lift – Works abs, legs and butt

1. Lower into a semi squat, elbows bent 90 degrees in front of chest
2. Keep hips squared forward as you twist torso to the left, right and left
3. Twist back to the right as your lift your right knee out to the side,to the hip height and lean over in a side crunch
4. One rep is twist, twist, twist then twist and crunch.
5. Repeat 15 times then switch sides to complete set.

Apart from these exercises, I’ve also embarked on a new exercise regime where I get personalized training from a personal trainer at a one time fee of S$59! It’s an Xbox disc – “Your Shape – Fitness Evolved”.  Oh, of course, you would need to first purchase the Xbox Kinnect Set which cost S$499 excluding GST.

In this disc, I get to select from 3 different programmes: 

1. Personal Training
2. Gym
3. Fitness

There are several stages as well for the different fitness level from beginners to the experienced. I’ve done about half an hour of a mixture of the exercises and so far, I've enjoyed it tremendously.

Shape Run 2011

I am very unprepared for this Run as I didn’t get around doing any training. Anyhow, I proceeded with the Run as planned. I beat my 2 previous timing though by 3 minutes!  Of course I still stop along the way to take photos!



Couldn't resist temptation to stop at the markers for a photo!

Flat out after the 5km run, just needed to literally lie flat!



I did it again!





Laksa Craving

The last time I went to Nex @ Serangoon was to join the queue to buy the Xbox Kinnect. After buying the discs, etc, I went to Laksania and I ordered the Penang Laksa instead of the original Laksa. My husband and maid had the Singapore Laksa and when I tasted the Laksa, I thought it was good.

I told myself that I will be back to Laksania and will order the Singapore Laksa. So when I went back to Nex @ Serangoon last Friday to exchange a faulty USB powered fan at Challenger, I ordered the Singapore Laksa!

The Laksa gravy was nice and I guess the cholesterol would be much higher than the normal laksa. Anyway, I thought the ingredients were so-so. There were very few slices of the fried tofu and a couple of sliced fish cakes and cockles. I would have preferred a lot more of the beansprouts though. Missing from the bowl was the thin slices of julienne cucumber.

Anyhow, I finished off the laksa – every bit of the gravy! 

Thunder Tea Rice

It’s been a very long time since I first cooked Thunder Tea Rice. I first came across this Thunder Tea Rice when an ex-colleague from the Hakka clan told me the goodness of this dish.

Anyhow, while flipping through my recipe collection, I stumbled upon this recipe and I decided to cook it for my family. Though it is relatively easy to cook, I find that it’s time consuming.

Two weeks ago, while at Food Republic in Vivo City, I saw this Thunder Tea Rice stall and I immediately know what I was going to have for lunch! This stall also serves brown rice – just my type and I really love it.

According to this stall, this dish can “help to lower cholesterol, remove body toxic, fluid waste, strengthen immune system, ease digestion and gastric, combat flu and headache, expel body winds and gas plus maintain youth and enhance beauty.” I don’t know how this dish can really provide so much benefit but I just love it. I don’t drink the soup on its own but I scoop some into my rice then mix the rice with the soup and eat it this way.

Since then I’ve had this thunder tea rice at least another 3 more times! Yummy! So my cholesterol level should come down too!