Day 315 on 18 Apr 14: Living without My Darling Husband

Today is Good Friday public holiday and I'll b seeing u soon !!

U hv always been my personal driver all 20 years of our married life n now I'm learning to be independent all over again! If I can turn back clock I wouldn't marry so I dun hv to be sad with losing my loved one ie you n living w mikaail condition!

There's still so much more that can be done for wheelchair users here in Singapore! My wish list:

1) map of mrt stations exits for wheelchair access - I've emailed SMRT
2) educate able bodied users from using the handicap toilets

I now know how to get to places on Mrt n buses instead of taxis. Ppl think that is easier to travel in taxis for wheelchair users. Thru my own experience I know it's much more difficult as I wud need to tsfr Mikaail from wheelchair to taxi then taxi to wheelchair plus need to fold n unfold the wheelchair. With the mrt n WAB it's pretty much a smooth ride other than rushing passengers regardless of time! WAB are not available on all routes though.

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Day 314 on 17 Apr 14: Living Without My Darling Husband

Had lunch with my colleagues yesterday at Hjh Maimunah at Jalan Pisang.  Thought of taking Mikaail there then I realised that it's almost impossible for a wheelchair user to get off the Bugis MRT station without having to go one big merry-round!

Tomorrow is Good Friday so my plan is to visit you. Hope you will see me too. Love n miss u muuuuuuch!

BTW, Mikaail had 3 major seizure attacks this early this morning so didn't send him to school. As always after an attack he will doze off!

One of the trigger factors for seizures is extreme stress. I believe it's bcos of your sudden demise and his inability to understand death that's causing the seizures!

Chat tmrw!!

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Day 298 on 1 April 2014: Living without My Darling Husband

Gosh it's been so long since I last update my blog though I do update my notes to you daily!!  Did u see me last Friday? I was there in the morning and chatted with you.  Arrived later than usual as the mrt had some track fault.

I read the paragraphs in italics from the On Islam website: http://www.onislam.net/english/ask-about-islam/faith-and-worship/islamic-creed/461421-husbands-death.html

The dead hear the living ones: It is stated in the hadiths that those in graves hear the ones who speak while visiting them and respond to their salutations.

It is thawab to plant a tree at one’s grave. There are hadiths stating that a tree planted at a grave will be a reason to ease the dead person’s agony.  

I didnt want to plant a tree as I am afraid the roots might reach deep down and entangle your bones!  I still see you in my mind's eye and I really miss your kisses and hugs!

And poor Mikaail he has been having seizures on a daily basis ranging from 3 to 8 attacks.  Today he didn't go to school as after 3 major seizure attacks plus 2 minor attacks, he was too tired cos he can hardly stay awake!  He woke up at just past midnight and said he wanted the Hi-5 CD for his music class!  Didnt want to go back to sleep so I had to pacify him but to no avail.

When I got back from work today, he was also sleeping!  Then he was awake for less than 10 minutes when he had another minor attack!  Post seizure and he fell asleep again!