Day 367 on 9 June 2014: Living Without My Darling Husband

Lots of flashbacks!  Yesterday I spent the whole day w Mikaail as Mariah had her own weekend activities.  As Mikaail was not his usual self I feel super stressed.  He wet the bed,  poo in his pants, his voice almost inaudible and he hardly eat. His weight is now 28kg for a 15 year old!  I was so stressed up yesterday when I asked him if he wants to pee but he kept quiet then he wet his pants.  I was so angry that I shouted at him.  He got a shock.  His body literally jumped up t hen he apologised!  Gosh this makes feel really horrid.  In his condition he knows to apologise and here I am shouting at him just because I cant control my emotion.  What a mother I am!

I feel so terribly played out and looking at him in such a state really breaks my heart.  You should see him and you will understand.

Day 360 on 2 June: Living Without My Darling Husband

It's the start of the school holidays and we have nowhere to go!  So sad you know!  There's not even a flicker of hope for us now.  Although outwardly I look OK I'm missing you so much more everyday.  You know it's really unfair for me to think of the sad times or times when I'm pissed with you.  Thinking of happy times makes me extra sad. Urgh!! How can this happened? Whose fault?  Lots of people tell me that's it's a cover up!

Dear did you know that there are many times I feel as if you were away and will return.   I'm missing you so much & whenever I think of you I will cry!  So what I do now is I think best to think of times when we pissed each other off! Maybe then I could let go a bit not sure.  While writing this I'm already feeling the sadness! !