More than 6 months have passed since my mum passed on. Yet, I am still full of regrets! I felt that if I had asked my mum what she prefersabd when I brought her to the hospital, perhaps would be better. My mum was in pain, for sure otherwise she would not have called me in the office as she had never once called me or ask any of my previous maids to do so. Also, she was willing to go to the hospital!
I was the one who brought her to the hospital. I booked a private ambulance to drive her to Tan Tock Seng Hospital otherwise the ambulance will just drive my mum to the nearest hospital ie Khoo Teck Puat Hospital since she is staying in my home. That was about the last that I spoke with my mum. I suppose I didn't expect that was the last time I saw her alive or be able to speak with her. I was in the A&E ward for a couple of hours as there were some tests and x-rays the hospital need to do upon admission.
Anyhow, soon after her admission to the ward, the attending doctor told my sister, my husband and I the seriousness of my mum’s condition. He showed us my mum’s X-rays taken upon her discharge earlier in September and also upon her admission at the A&E. Her lungs were full of fluid and to extract the fluid, there would be some tube inserted into her and this she had said before was very painful.
The doctor went on to explain the process of how much pain my mum would have to go through if we want to try and save her. Inevitably we will be trying to prolong her life and putting her through lots more pain!
Yes, we all
wanted to relieve her of her pain but I felt that if she was given a chance to
decide, then she would have known who is the right person to take over the
ownership of her house as well as her CPF monies. At least whoever took the ownership of her
house and her monies got them with her blessings! Right now, I doubt it!
Up until now, I am unable to let go. I still feel the lump in my throat that I should have taken the chance to speak with my mum on her wishes. I never did. I guess I didn't think that she will leave this world so soon! I feel really guilty that I did what I did. Sometimes when there is a heavy downpour, I feel worst as I just feels like my mum will be struggling under the tonnes of soil plus the tiles.
