Decided to check out H&M at Orchard Building today. With so much hype and all I thought I would probably spend a couple of hours shopping at H&M so I decided to apply annual leave to shop with Mikaail to avoid the weekend and school holiday crowd especially since Mikaail is on wheelchair. It is not easy moving around on a weekend especially with the year end school holidays now!
After breakfast at Enak Enak at Simpang Bedok, we head for H&M @ Orchard Building. I was quite surprised at the condition of the clothes on display. They looked like as if these were taken out from the carton and immediately displayed. So far, most shops display clothes that are neatly pressed apart from the sales items!
Anyway, we picked up a couple of clothings, tees, hair accessories and a cap. Unfortunately, I didnt get to try them out as Mikaail needed the toilet and guess what, there is none in H&M! I think this is about a first - a shopping mall has no toilet facilities? How could there not be a toilet in the building? How about their staff? Dont they need to go to the toilet as well? Ridiculous!! So I decided not to bother with the purchase and also wont go to their outlet ever again!
Friday, November 25, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Mum's Last Moments
I remember mum's last moment clearly. She left us peacefully on Wednesday, 28 September 2011 at approximately 1:35-1:38 pm though the official time was indicated as 1.45 pm.
I cant get it out of my mind that I was the one who accompanied her in the ambulance then to the hospital and she never came back! I feel really dumb. She is so sick and yet there was no medication administered to cure her and the only medication given to her was to calm her so she can die peacefully!! Crap right! Cannot forgive myself and I really regret it. One one hand, when mum was alive, she was constantly in pain and by living means she would be going through her pain daily. What good is life if there is no quality?
Anyhow about a few weeks after my mum's departure, around 7/8 pm, I suddenly got a sniff of the "kemiyan" then I sms Jaye and guess what she said, "mum came to visit on weekend!" Then at night - my room door suddenly rattled as if there is wind knocking on the door. "Wah lau" - damn scary ok. So I immediately shut down my laptop and rush to bed but unfortunately I was quite wide awake till early morning!!
My personal feel is that maybe mum was disappointed with me, especially since I was the one who brought her to the hospital although she was the one who wanted me to bring her there. She must have been in severe pain otherwise she would not want to go to the hospital. She knows that when she gets admitted, there will be tests which inevitably result in pain for her! Going to the hospital is one thing. Not coming back alive is another!
Also mum had sort of lost her will to live and was groaning in pain almost every night. The day she was admitted to hospital, she must have been in severe pain. Its better to let her go then suffer. Who are we to decide that she had lived up to a ripe age.
The doctors showed us x-rays taken when she was discharged in early Sept and upon her admission on 26 September. Her lungs were filled with water and only a section of her lungs was filled with air - its like she is "drowning".
Right up to now, I still have images of my mum in my head - images of her during the cleansing ritual and how peaceful she look. Who am I kidding?? Imagine if you are given only medication to be calm, wont you be calm as well? True mum was in pain and she wanted to go to the hospital but I am sure she didnt expect me to leave her there to die. Peaceful or not is really subjective! On hindsight, I feel really dumb! How can anyone who is seriously ill recover if there is no medication administered! The only medication really administered was the painkillers to calm her. I've decided that I must sign the Advanced Medical Directive in order that I dont add unnecessary stress to Alex in the event that I am seriously ill!
Then there was an article in the Straits Times recently about a couple who did not give up on their son all the way to the very last moment before donating their son's organ. I think perhaps mum should be given a bit more time to live. Maybe she can use the time to really decide what she wants done after she is gone ie her wishes. I am worried that I might lose the memories I've had with mum.
I cant get it out of my mind that I was the one who accompanied her in the ambulance then to the hospital and she never came back! I feel really dumb. She is so sick and yet there was no medication administered to cure her and the only medication given to her was to calm her so she can die peacefully!! Crap right! Cannot forgive myself and I really regret it. One one hand, when mum was alive, she was constantly in pain and by living means she would be going through her pain daily. What good is life if there is no quality?
Anyhow about a few weeks after my mum's departure, around 7/8 pm, I suddenly got a sniff of the "kemiyan" then I sms Jaye and guess what she said, "mum came to visit on weekend!" Then at night - my room door suddenly rattled as if there is wind knocking on the door. "Wah lau" - damn scary ok. So I immediately shut down my laptop and rush to bed but unfortunately I was quite wide awake till early morning!!
My personal feel is that maybe mum was disappointed with me, especially since I was the one who brought her to the hospital although she was the one who wanted me to bring her there. She must have been in severe pain otherwise she would not want to go to the hospital. She knows that when she gets admitted, there will be tests which inevitably result in pain for her! Going to the hospital is one thing. Not coming back alive is another!
Also mum had sort of lost her will to live and was groaning in pain almost every night. The day she was admitted to hospital, she must have been in severe pain. Its better to let her go then suffer. Who are we to decide that she had lived up to a ripe age.
The doctors showed us x-rays taken when she was discharged in early Sept and upon her admission on 26 September. Her lungs were filled with water and only a section of her lungs was filled with air - its like she is "drowning".
Right up to now, I still have images of my mum in my head - images of her during the cleansing ritual and how peaceful she look. Who am I kidding?? Imagine if you are given only medication to be calm, wont you be calm as well? True mum was in pain and she wanted to go to the hospital but I am sure she didnt expect me to leave her there to die. Peaceful or not is really subjective! On hindsight, I feel really dumb! How can anyone who is seriously ill recover if there is no medication administered! The only medication really administered was the painkillers to calm her. I've decided that I must sign the Advanced Medical Directive in order that I dont add unnecessary stress to Alex in the event that I am seriously ill!
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